Coping with Grief & Loss: Understanding the Grieving Process

I printed this article out about a year ago and had all intentions of giving it to someone I care about, but never did.  I happened to come across it the other day and thought it was definitely worth sharing.  This article is not just about grieving the death of someone but more-so about grieving a loss (or more than one loss) in general.  One of the main reasons I printed the article for ‘this person’ is to point out that trying to ignore the pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run.  In order to heal it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.  Last year I read it and wanted to share it in hope of being able to help ‘this person’ understand grief.  Right now, I am looking at it from a different perspective, to help me to heal myself.  It’s odd that I happened to come across this article the other day because personally, I am dealing with the loss of more than half of the examples given below.

You can ‘try’ to suppress your feelings and grief but you can NOT avoid them forever.  You must acknowledge your pain in order to heal.  Trying to avoid this only prolongs the grieving process and unresolved grief can lead to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.  Take care of number one, yourself!

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resentment vs forgiveness

My father tells me ALL of the time that I need to let go of resentments. I totally agree with him but, I have so many of them right now AND I don’t know how to let go of them. It is SO hard! I preach about forgiveness, and I don’t hold grudges (forever that is), but at this point in my life I’m having a really hard time letting go of my resentments! They ARE toxic though! Everything said here makes perfect sense, so why is it so hard to let go of something that only hurts us more? Any advice here, on how to let go of resentments that is?

Sick and tired of having your feelings discounted: 5 ways to survive that emotional attack…

“How can someone tell you what rain feels like falling on your skin? How can he truly know how it feels to be in the skin you’re in? How can someone see through my eyes? I know for sure when one person believes that he/she knows exactly what someone else is feeling all the time, that know-it-all attitude becomes intrusive and destructive to the person on the receiving end. How many times have you wanted to say let me be in my skin and I’ll let you stay in your skin – so we both can win?” -Dr. CJ

 

Thank you Dr. CJ, for helping me understand that I’m not imagining things when I believe my feelings are being discounted or dismissed. I’d like to print this out and hand it to at least dozen people but for now I’ll just share it on my page. Your wisdom and advice have soaked in and I will be back to read more!

 

This is a follow up to my post “Why I Have Hidden Emotional Pain – (Which Doesn’t Happen Very Often BTW)”

 

Thank you again for your insight!

Doctor C J's Blog

Before we get into the five ways to survive and eventually thrive, we need to look at what is at play in the interactions that tire us out.

Love is a universal emotion we as humans crave. We all need to be loved, heard, and understood. When we experience those three needs fully we feel safe, appreciated, and accepted. Have you noticed how you gravitate toward those people who become your safety net, who values who we are?

Are you tired of trying to explain to someone especially your mate how you feel about something, only to be told, “That’s not how it really is”? Are you tired of asking someone to explain what they mean to only hear, “never mind”? Do you want to scream shut the…. Up and listen?

Dismissing and discounting what we feel starts with a disconnect between the two people trying to communicate. Often times…

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Why I Have Hidden Emotional Pain – (Which Doesn’t Happen Very Often BTW)

Why have I hidden emotional pain?  Let me explain…

I have always been a person who FEELS DEEPLY and talks about EVERYTHING!  Psychologists say it is NOT good to hold things in;  you need to talk about them, resolve them, get through them, get past them, FEEL THEM!  Unfortunately that does NOT work for all of us!  I’m not disagreeing by any means, just simply saying that sometimes hiding emotional pain prevents us from experiencing further emotional pain from something, or someone, other than the original source of the emotional pain to begin with.  Are you getting me here?  All I’m saying is that sometimes it is just easier to hold-it-all-in because a lot of the time spilling-our-guts makes us feel embarrassed, ashamed, criticized, judged, etc…Like I said, I don’t usually do this, (hide emotional pain that is), but in the past year I have done so because some people, (including acquaintances, friends, family, lovers, and enemies), criticize, judge, minimize, and discount my feelings making me feel even worse than I did to begin with!  I’ve isolated, secluded, and spent days and days alone not speaking to anyone because of the fact that I feel I’m so misunderstood, judged, and people don’t want to hear about my problems and/or feelings.  On the other hand, I’ve talked and talked and talked and talked to the point of exhaustion and that doesn’t seem to get me anywhere either!  Sometimes I feel that talking about my feelings is a NO WIN situation, I’ve been totally stressed-out by holding things in, AND by talking about them!  What’s a girl to do?  All I can say is that I am ME and I have a right to FEEL whatever I want and whenever I want whether I share it with someone else or hold it in deep down inside, period.

” It’s absolutely key that we not so much grow a thicker skin (though this might definitely help!) but become determined and resolute enough to hold our emotional ground–confident that we have within us what can make it safe to express hurtful feelings. For (1) they’re an essential part of who we are, (2) letting them out really can’t victimize us unless we let ourselves be at the effect of another’s reactions, and (3) we’re now able to regard our feelings as valid, independent of anyone else’s response.” Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.

“Everyone FEELS differently, so don’t judge someone for experiencing emotional pain that may seem ridiculous and/or a waste of energy to you.” -Angela Brigano

I came across two articles that I am going to share today.   Continue reading

How To Defeat OCD By Surrendering

How To Defeat OCD By Surrendering
By Fred Penzel, Ph.D.

Over the years, I have watched my OCD patients putting great amounts of emotional, mental, and physical energy into the struggle against their symptoms. OCD, as we know, is especially characterized by doubt, and they seemed to believe that there just had to be a way to overcome their crushing doubts and the severe resulting anxiety. They usually did this by trying to achieve perfect certainty in one way or another. They had to get their compulsions ‘just right’ to make sure that something bad had not already happened, wasn’t happening now, or wouldn’t happen in the future. Unfortunately, they had all overlooked the major flaw underlying these attempts, which was that there is no such thing in life as perfect certainty. It is quite understandable why someone with OCD would do this. You might say it is instinctive to try to be perfectly certain in an uncertain and potentially threatening situation.

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What’s The Difference Between Sarah and Sally?

Here’s something to make you think. I have two separate stories for you, one about Sally and the other about Sarah. Read them carefully and slowly. While you’re reading them, put yourself in both situations and try to figure out how you would feel and/or how you may behave. Ready? Here it goes…

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